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What we have here is one clear reality, one deal, and at least one mystery. The reality is that someone is selling an armored 2016 Subaru Forester on Craigslist Dallas. The Autopian came across the find and called the seller to find out what gives. They didn't get much. The seller's son said his dad bought the wagon at auction, becoming the Forester's second owner after Brinks, the cash and valuables transportation company. "Brinks had that one built," he said, "and it was used until my father bought it.” What also appears to be plain and real is that the Subie has ferried precious goods 185,345 miles, and the seller wants $12,900 "firm" for it.
To the deal: The price. A standard 2016 Forester 2.5i Premium cost about $26,000 when new, before options. The seller says the armored car "cost over $150,000.00 when built." Plug the known stats into Kelley Blue Book, the valuation site returns private party transaction prices of between $4,965 and $7,428 for a 2016 Forester, this example we credited as being in Very Good condition landing at $6,197. Superficially, $12,900 for an eight-year-old Forester gets a lot of question marks. However, if you're in the dispensary business or some other cash-heavy enterprise and you don't want Brinks hauling your dough, an armored courier car for just $13,000 — assuming the seller has all the keys and all of the locks work — sounds pretty unbeatable to us.
To the first mystery: The Craiglist posting cites the location as Ocean Springs, Louisiana. This is 547 miles away from the center of Dallas, according to Google Maps. The second mystery: The seller listed the same car on local Craigslist outposts serving Wichita, Kansas and Washington, D.C.
The third and most intriguing mystery: The same Subaru is listed with a company called Hearselimo with a phone number out of Atlanta, Georgia, that number matching the phone number in the craigslist ads. The Hearselimo site gives more information than the Craigslist ads, such as the trim, the assessment that the "Subaru drives like a top," and claimed fuel economy of 24 miles per gallon in the city and 32 mpg on the highway. The fuel economy would be astonishing if true, considering that the EPA rates the 2016 Forester with the 2.5-liter at 24 mpg city and 31 mpg highway without the weight of being "bulletproof" and "bomb proof" to protect a large safe where the rear seats should be.
And here's a bonus mystery: Hearselimo has another armored Subaru Forester for sale, that one a 2013 model with 142,000 miles asking an identical $12,900. Then, as if to prove Hearselimo is the place for buyers seeking the rarest niches beyond the hearses and limos the company also sells, current inventory includes a 2013 ZR 48 Corvette jet boat, a 2010 Ford E-350 video surveillance van complete with satellite dish, and a 1964 Ferrari 250 GT Lusso.
And if you're looking for heavy metal to move heavy money, you can skip the Subarus and buy a former Brinks truck with less than 19,000 miles — the real deal International kind of truck — for $7,900 from the same dealer. Strange things going on in Atlanta, eh.
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